How is Love Measured?

Seated at the dinner table with family one evening, I found my niece and I engaged in a deep conversation. The adored 5-year-old explained that her parents only loved her ‘this much’ today while putting her hands about a foot apart. When I inquired more about this, she explained that she wasn’t doing a good job listening, which for her, equated to her parents loving her less than the day before. When I heard this, I realized that she had a misconception about the concept of unconditional love. I wanted her to be able to differentiate between not making good choices and unconditional love.

I began demystifying her misunderstanding, clarifying that regardless of whether she makes negative choices or even if I reprimand her, I still love her unconditionally, as did her parents! I explained that loving someone unconditionally means that you love them no matter what. Therefore, our love for her will never cease.

Later that evening, my niece approached me and asked, “Can you read this book to me, please?” This was a request I often received from her. I smiled and picked her up. With both she and the book now in my lap, I began with the title: “Guess How Much I Love You” by Sam McBratney and illustrated by Anita Jeram. When I completed the book, I realized this story of two Nutbrown hares was trying to quantify love. “I love you right up to the moon — and back.” The moon is 238,885 miles away, and considering the phrase includes ‘-and back’, we are talking a very LARGE number!

However, as I stepped away from the conversation, I began to wonder about what it truly means to love someone unconditionally: without conditions or barriers, no matter what the challenge or circumstance. Can we quantify love? If so, how is love measured?

With these questions came more introspection:

Who are the people in my life that I love without barriers? Without any conditions?

• My parents.
• Best friends.
• Nieces.
• And my gurus, Pramukh Swami Maharaj and Mahant Swami Maharaj.

However, I realized I only love them ‘this much’ upon further thought.

What is pure and true unconditional love? How does it look? What does it feel like? Pure unconditional love comes from a heart that is genuine, honest, egoless, and spiritually connected to God. And such a heart I have found in my guru, Pramukh Swami Maharaj; for his love was unbiased, authentic, and full of compassion for all.

Pramukh Swami Maharaj was once departing from his visit to Bochasan, a town in Gujarat, India. Some devotees gathered around for their final farewells, except one elderly devotee named Manibhai, who sat quietly in a corner. No one bothered to call him over or inquire why he was sitting alone while everyone shared this emotional moment. It appeared he was invisible to those around him.

However, he was not invisible to Pramukh Swami Maharaj. He walked towards Manibhai and lovingly put his hand on his head. Manibhai had a visual impairment and did not have any sight. Manibhai asked, “Who is this?” A soothing voice answered, “It’s me. Pramukh Swami.”

Those four comforting words filled Manibhai’s eyes with tears of happiness. He was utterly lost for words. He wept as his guru caressed his head with love. Manibhai felt valued and the unconditional and unbiased love of Pramukh Swami Maharaj.

Unconditional love looks like taking the shoes off your feet to give to someone walking barefoot in the hot sun.
It sounds like recalling how someone takes their tea after many years.
It feels like being seen when sitting out of focus quietly in a corner.
Unconditional love is compassionate, forgiving, and impartial.

Pramukh Swami Maharaj showered love on everyone, regardless of age, caste, creed, status, or gender. It was unbiased, non-discriminatory, and genuine. The love of Pramukh Swami Maharaj cannot be measured, just as an ocean cannot. Its vastness, depth, breadth…it is too grand to be measured. When you think you have all the measurements figured out, you see more and more water, or more and more love!

Once, Pramukh Swami Maharaj met with a group of villagers. Not possessing much money, the folk lived modestly. Some even had no homes. Yet, when they spent time with Pramukh Swami, they felt joy, cared for, and loved. They experienced the same love from Pramukh Swami Maharaj that my family and I, along with countless others, have felt. Whether meeting with the President of the United States of America or the people of a small village in India, all have felt his equanimous love.

I have learned and experienced the beautiful ocean of love from Pramukh Swami Maharaj. I’ve been colored by his guidance and his selfless care. In my youth, I made many mistakes when in the ‘not-so-great’ company of my peers. Due to those mistakes, I sometimes felt I was not worthy of Pramukh Swami Maharaj’s kind and pure love. I’d wonder, how could such a great soul have love for me, even when I erred? But that’s who he was. He had this unique ability to make everyone feel valued, no matter who you were or what you had done.

I have encountered the love of my mother and father. I have felt love in the form of protection from my brother; the innocent love from my nieces when I walk through the door; and the deep, passionate love of a partner. All of these forms of love are magnificent, and they are all available to me. However, when I reflect on the experiences of Pramukh Swami Maharaj’s life, I am reminded of how to love selflessly and unconditionally by showing up, and extending kindness, understanding, and forgiveness. I am reminded of the importance of non-judgmental love and the acceptance of all people.

The endless unconditional love showered by Pramukh Swami Maharaj is an evergreen motivator for me to live a more loving and fulfilled life.

Deepa Gohill, Toronto, Canada
Educator