The Secret to Happiness

Waking up on the wrong side of the bed. It happens to the best of us.

Unfortunately for me, it happened on my first day back to work after the pandemic. I woke up to the sound of my blaring alarm. The time on my alarm clock read 6:45 am. I was already 45 minutes late, and it all went downhill from there. I spent the next hour sitting in peak rush hour traffic. At work that day I did not feel like socializing with my friends or catching up on our first day back together in over a year. I only thought of when the work day would end. As if my stressful morning and busy first day wasn’t enough, I finally made it back home from work only to realize that I had left my phone in my drawer at work!

At home I again avoided any contact with my family. All I could think about when I got home was finding a way to make myself feel better, and forget that “today” ever happened. I went to exercise, thinking that it would make things better, but somehow, I felt even more aches after. No matter what I did afterwards, I still felt frustrated. There was no hope for a happy moment in my day.

Whenever we face bad days or difficult situations, we tend to turn to external things — going for ‘retail therapy’, grabbing your favorite comfort meal or getting on the couch and watching a movie. As I think back to this day, I try to understand what I could have done differently…. even after starting my day on the wrong side of the bed, 45 minutes late.

How can we find joy during even the most difficult situations?

When I think of people in the world who despite facing many difficulties seemed content and capable of surmounting any personal challenge, the names of the likes of Mahatma Gandhi, Martin Luther King Jr. and Nelson Mandela come to mind. What was the difference between them and us, whose emotions can feel like a roller coaster throughout the day? I wonder what kinds of beds they slept on? Did their beds even have a wrong side?

To stem the anxiety and depression brought on by the pandemic, people were encouraged to practice self-care for their mental wellness. To us self-care may be the things I have already mentioned earlier — shopping, food, tv — or my wife’s personal favorite, a day at the spa!

The secret to ‘mental wellness’ does not appear to be engaging in external activities. A study published in the Journal of Happiness in 2019 concluded that, “Those who wished others well (loving-kindness) had lower anxiety, greater happiness, greater empathy, and higher feelings of caring and connectedness than those in a control condition.”

It appears that the people that the world remembers, not only for their achievements, but also for their kindness towards humanity, knew the true secret to a life of constant fulfilment, joy, and free of stress. Their secret lies in their ability to focus more on helping not themselves, but others.

That night in bed there was one routine I did not change or avoid — my personal reading time. I picked up a book on stories from the life of HH Pramukh Swami Maharaj. Recognized and respected as one of the greatest Hindu spiritual teachers, Pramukh Swami Maharaj lived by and promoted the principle: “In the joy of others, lies our own.” Reading of his life and character, it’s fairly clear that Pramukh Swami appeared to know and live by the “secret.”

As I read that night, I came across a story from the year 1999 where Pramukh Swami Maharaj visited the Wailing Wall in Israel. When he saw many people kneeling, praying and inserting folded notes containing their prayers into the crevices of the wall, Pramukh Swami himself gently picked a yellow flower and silently placed it in a crevice of the Wailing Wall. Sometime later he picked another yellow flower and also silently placed that in another crevice. He then asked all of the disciples with him to join him in reciting a prayer for peace in the world.

Later that afternoon when a Swami asked him what he had personally prayed for at the Wailing Wall, Pramukh Swami answered, “With the first flower I placed in the wall, I prayed to God that may all of the prayers that have been said here before be answered.” When the Swami asked why he had placed a second flower, Pramukh Swami revealed, “With the second flower, I prayed that may all the prayers that may be said here henceforth be fulfilled.”

In a place that would be considered foreign to other faiths — he respected and emulated the traditions of the Wall. At the same time, he ensured he prayed for those that were there previously and will come in the future. Pramukh Swami Maharaj prayed for the joy and well-being of others.

Former US President Barack Obama said during Nelson Mandela’s eulogy, “Ubuntu, a word that captures Mandela’s greatest gift: His recognition that we are all bound together in ways that are invisible to the eye; that there is a oneness to humanity; that we achieve ourselves by sharing ourselves with others, and caring for those around us… He not only embodied Ubuntu, he taught millions to find that truth within themselves.” Nelson Mandela lived for the joy of others.

It is the small silent acts of the great that reveal their inner sincere wishes and genuine care for all people regardless of their caste, culture, faith or backgrounds. They joyfully lived their lives by bringing joy to others. No external factors big or small distracted their mindset.

As I closed my book and shut my eyes for the night, I was reminded of a speech delivered at the United Nations Peace Summit in New York City on August 29, 2000 by Pramukh Swami Maharaj. He said, “A single meeting, a simple dialogue can positively influence the minds of millions. Just as the Archbishop of Canterbury visited our Swaminarayan Hindu Mandir in London, we personally visited Bethlehem, the Wailing Wall in Jerusalem and met both the chief Rabbis of Judaism. It creates understanding, and generates genuine respect. That is why we often say, ‘Religion is that which fosters love for one another.’”

It was at this moment I reflected on what I could have done differently to avoid the long day of frustrations. Everyone knows me as the guy that always has a smile on his face and says hello. Today they did not see that side of me. Maintaining your true self starts with a commitment to maintaining the right mindset, a positive mindset — even when external factors are not in sync.

Over the past few weeks, I have been trying to start my day on a more positive note with a smile on my face, while really thinking about what the word smile means to me:

S — Say thank you more often. Be appreciative of the people around you. Be grateful for what you have and share with others.

M — Mutual understanding. Be empathetic, kind and compassionate. Tolerate and forgive others.

I — Interest. Show interest in the lives of others. Make an effort to connect with the people around you.

L — Listen much more than you talk. Be humble and understanding.

E — Energize. Bring a positive attitude wherever you go.

Pramukh Swami Maharaj and others like him serve as ideal role models. There is no secret to what they do or how they live — it’s a commitment to the joy of others — which then brings our own. So, as we all tread our own paths to happiness, let us think about the ways that we can bring joy to others, starting with a simple smile.

Nilesh Mehta, Toronto, Canada
QA Analyst