Once designer — forever designer…

After being a magazine editor, art-curator, gallery owner, graphic, then UI/UX designer, coffee enthusiast and staying a bitch… as every one, who has a brain, I’m asking myself: who I am and why am I here?

Everyone noticed a shift in my interests about a year ago, which finally made me to leave my job. And the most attentive probably noticed a shift back during last weeks.

I feel very natural about it actually, and (that’s the most important part) feel happy all this time.

After we moved to Vilnius my mind and perspectives started to transform. I started to search, I didn’t really know, search for what, but felt kinda too energized to stay just me. City is energy. And after living in a small town I felt it acutely. Information, knowledges, activities flow everywhere around, you can just use it, as well as your own inner energy.

I think it’s useful for everyone: to try to live in a small town. You feel so calm, you save energy: no new knowledge, no opportunities. Just do not stay there for too long. 2 years by the sea — seems like a very good time — and it was. But bringing myself back to the city was a best thing happened to me.

I tried to combine inside my poor skull my job (I worked as UI/UX in one team for more than 3 years already), my understanding of myself (which is the most changeable thing ever), my brain (searching for great goals as always), new opportunities and new vision of the world, I took from people in Vilnius. Sounds good, but it was a dangerous mix, I have to say.

Let’s recall my job. Last project I made was Plag — information network. And I was and I am really proud to be a part of it. I worked for iOS (partly) and web (fully) interfaces in dozen of iterations. And that was a real challenge according to Postel’s law, our expectations about the product was ruined by incoming content thousand times. But we never gave up, trying to build the decent app. Actually somehow we did. After we let it go, stoping the development about 9 month ago, it’s still alive and develop itself.

But I didn’t feel happy working even on such interesting and challenging tasks, sometimes I ran to smaller tasks, playing with different formats for promo materials or doing some copywriting. I felt wasted. I thought I lost my design feeling and that was killing. I felt that I can’t change anything. But I also can’t feel helpless, so I started to look around.

During our travels we find a big difference between what we had for coffee in Vilnius and other big cities, it seemed (and it is!) a real field for work. I started immediately. After 5 month I felt confident enough to left my design job and work with people. Our main goal was just to make coffee in Vilnius great. We worked (yeah, not hard), we had fun.

I ran different initiatives: cupping, workshops, competitions. Wrote reviews and even founded a small self-publishing project Kaffezine (which was my favorite part and hopefully it will last forever).

That time I was very satisfied with the process and sometimes I think I enjoyed it too much. And if I ask myself if I ever had a serious goal to build a coffee business — I’ll first say “yes”, but answering again standing in front of my friend Paulius, who is the most sharp person I know, I’ll say smiling “now I have enough knowledges to build it, but that time I had my passion, and just didn’t want to have any plans”.

What was it? — you can ask. Wonderful time, — my answer.

I really like the idea of sabbatical, but never planned my time this way. Later I understood it was like that from the beginning. I told everyone: I gave myself 6 month to decide what to do with coffee seriously or go back to design. I spend almost 5 month without any thoughts about design, relaxing and reloading my brain. That was recovering. And if you ever feel wasted or sick, find the opportunity to do that. That’s definitely worth these money, you’ll lose.

First ring…

Four month after I left my job, my coffee community Society was pretty active and popular, I enjoy the moment of sharing my knowledges and spending time with friends. Everything went to final decision — to work with coffee, but…

One sh*tty weather day I was sitting at home doing nothing, just decided to create smth. A symbol, a product, a story, an outgiving. Something from nothing. Find a worthy meaning and create a form for it. That’s what designers do. I needed it badly.

I create this:

Then made a clip. And finally received a product, which was more art, than design, but brought me a feeling…

Feeling of making sense. Feeling that I lost, have been leaving design.

Awaking…

Spring was not far off (here in Vilnius change of seasons is quite important), and I started to notice things again: more books, more architecture, more exhibitions, more poetry, more math. In the end of February I was pretty confident: design is calling. But still had too many responsibilities for coffee. Due to some personal reasons I lasted the process of returning to design for almost 2 month.

My last non-coffee project was about street art poetry. Poetry about math. Sounds weird. I hoped so. I liked the idea, because it responded to my needs in self-expression and recalled my old passions: math, poetry and street art. At the same time I created thoughts and forms, and also could use typography. Everything from nothing, again.

I finally found myself feeling glad. That’s my favorite (and emotionally — most envious) line of a poem Another One (from Paterson movie):

I look down at the glass and feel glad

This simple feeling appeared in me, probably first time since we moved here. I always felt happy. But this simple one made me not just happy, but satisfied, confident, calm. Everything. Wow.

Learning

Once I received a news letter (I receive it every month) with some relevant again news, articles and courses I made a leap forward.

I decided to study again. First of all, I needed to fill my English vocabulary with design terms. Really, I found myself helpless in expressing my design thoughts about typography in English. Second, I wanted to change my approach to more creative one. Here I started to feel I don’t need to defend the simple typography style and can work for more interesting and bright things.

I chose some theoretical classes and started to invent interesting practical tasks. I worked every day, also trying to return to my normal working schedule. I even worked on weekend, being heavily involved in process.

Communicating with some designers, I became confident: my experience was a good thing — and no one wanted to destroy it, — or, at least didn’t know how. So I decided to find a way.

Poems. Ok. I’ve come up with the idea of a task for my web typography class.

Take your poem and a font you would never use (because you hate it). Find another one for combining. Create a style, the whole page with the right mood.

What’s about PT Mono? Oh…

Then, more…

One coffee mate said, he didn’t like poems, just because the layout asymmetric. Good designer replied: boo…

But now, building new approach, I felt ready to take a challenge and create a symmetric layout for my poem. Moreover, I was going to use a bright colour background and a few font styles. Hopefully, it sounds scary for some designers, who are reading. Even if it’s not, believe me, create a good-looking page according to this was not that simple.

I made 10 different pages for 10 #poemsaboutlifeandmath and probably will publish this project one day, together with classic (clean and simple typography) layout and street art sheets.

Information designer

That is very, very loud. Loud and proud. Yeah, definitely. It is a goal. Remember me during last 6 month: I always replied about my goals just “will see”. Now I see. Back to design. Work with information. Typography. Words. Communication. Design the information flows. Web, printed, audio. Any. And learn more. I mean I know it, I feel it, I work with it. Every day. Don’t even need a vacation. Don’t need a support (which is, btw, very important).

What about coffee?

I’m still in. Pretty deep: with 12 bags of different freshly roasted beans on my shelf and 15 different methods of brewing. #kaffezine will live definitely, as well as all the interesting cuppings and workshops we can come up with. Even can be involved in one serious project soon or not ;)

But, sorry, I will never doubt in my designer nature again. Can go to pieces for 6 month for something crazy in 5 years, perhaps… But will definitely return!

P.S.

Probably most of the readers are my friends, now confusing “but you had a family, as I remember…”.

Everything is perfect. My love is still my biggest love and passion. And my daughter is the smartest girl on the Earth. Family is not a barrier for constant self-development and professional improvement, but an endless support. Also friends. I appreciate it and still have no idea how my friends and family survive with me, but they look happy (at least, most of them ;)).