A Letter to My Child

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My Dearest Child,

I hope this letter finds you in good health. I don’t know where you’ll be when you read this letter — perhaps in the 6th grade, on your 16th birthday, graduating college, or on your wedding day — but I hope this letter provides you with the strength, courage, faith, and love you seek.

Your father and I were overjoyed but overwhelmed when we were given the responsibility of being your parents. We were filled with excitement but also drenched with anxiety and doubt.

The world is a crazy place. It’s a mix of wonderful and ugly. You will witness a beautiful sunset on a day also full of acts of cruelty and unjustness. People around you will astound you with their acts of kindness or disrespect, where everybody does an intricate dance between joy and pain. So, as parents, how can we help you navigate your way in such a world and help you be true to yourself? Merely thinking of the question is daunting enough. So many distractions and avenues to take; which direction should we point you in? Which path would lead to a road filled with more success than failure, more days of happiness than despair, more feelings of ‘I can and I will’ than self-doubt? How would we help you navigate this amazing world but also its chaos? It seemed like an impossible task, a mammoth undertaking — a task your father and I weren’t sure that we were ready to take on.

More questions followed. My mind was going in circles, and my heart was full of worry and apprehension. How would we instill values of kindness, respect, loyalty, integrity, and character? How would we be able to raise children who would become strong, brave, intelligent, and kind human beings?

My child, I sit by your bedside every night after you go to bed and reflect upon the day. I would think not so much about your words and actions but my response to your words and actions. I would replay moments when I struggled to make better parenting choices. Where did I go wrong? What could I have done or said differently so that our connection would become stronger? I’m supposed to guide you on this unknown path, not putting you down or being judgmental. I know I made many mistakes today, and I’m sorry, my child, for letting you down.

Tears roll down my cheeks. But, as I look above your bed, two photos catch my attention and stop me in my tracks. At four months old, you met Pramukh Swami Maharaj for the first time in the small village of Sarangpur, India. Your father is holding you up, and Pramukh Swami Maharaj is looking into your eyes — a beautiful moment frozen in time.

The second photo is when you met Mahant Swami Maharaj for the first time at the age of two in Chino Hills, California.

They say a picture is worth a thousand words and I can attest to that. I look at those photos with watery eyes and a heavy heart and regain my confidence to parent again. How could I lose this parenting battle when I found the best father and mother in my Gurus Pramukh Swami Maharaj and Mahant Swami Maharaj?

Pramukh Swami Maharaj was the epitome of an ideal parent. His unconditional love, utmost compassion, and empathy were soul-touching. His care and concern were abundant. His astounding patience and understanding provided guidance during many moments of despair and hopelessness- instilling in each recipient a sense of inner strength and courage to withstand life’s most extraordinary waves.

Pramukh Swami Maharaj often said that children are our greatest assets, our most prized possessions, and we must do everything we can to instill character in our children.

It takes me a few moments to collect myself and regain the strength to become more of an ideal parent like Pramukh Swami Maharaj. I’m not alone on this parenting journey; my child, you’re not alone on this path either. We both have a true guide, a true mother and father who will always be there to hold our hands as we figure out life together.

I tuck away this letter as a new dawn arises. I recollect my moments of reflection and begin to parent again, this time with more patience and understanding — just as Pramukh Swami Maharaj would have done. Not soon enough one day that week, I hear my children bickering in the distance. Bickering again for the 100th time, and it’s not even lunchtime! I give them some time to figure things out independently, but soon enough, screaming ensues, and my daughter comes running downstairs in tears. I take a deep breath and remember my Guru. What would he have done? What would he have said to the kids in this situation? Without becoming angry or frustrated, as I would have before, I come down to their level and begin talking in a low voice. I ask them what happened, and without taking sides, I impart the lessons of sharing amongst siblings, being kind, and respecting each other. I talk to them just like Pramukh Swami Maharaj would have- in a loving and understanding manner. Doing so allowed my children to regain their love for play and, more importantly, for each other.

As the day progressed, however, I came upon another incident. I learned that my eldest son took something from my daughter without her permission. This led to crying and more fighting, of course. My emotional meter was raging now, my insides were boiling, and all I could think was, “How many times have we talked about this? What do you not understand about taking something that doesn’t belong to you?” But then, once again, I remembered my Guru. How would he approach this particular situation? Which words would he have used? How would he have turned the situation into a teaching moment? I go upstairs and calmly ask them to tell their story. Surely, both of them want me to believe their side of the story! But rather than being judicious, I use this moment to role-play and talk about what we could have done differently. We talk about honesty and respect. Both children feel heard, and carry on with their day with renewed hope and joy.

And so, I’ve learned that through such momentary reflections on my Gurus, I can instill character values in my children and overcome feeling overwhelmed and defeated. Truly, Pramukh Swami Maharaj and Mahant Swami Maharaj have and continue to be my guiding light in my parenting journey! And so, I leave you, my dear child, with wisdom that has resonated with your father and I as we journeyed to becoming good parents for you.

“One receives nobility and character through God or His sadhu. When one imbibes character, there is peace and happiness in one’s life. That is why parents should first think about instilling character in children.”
— Pramukh Swami Maharaj

Bindi Patel, Chino Hills, CA
Registered Nurse