Write for Sweary Mommy; all the cool kids are doin’ it. Are you a parent — of humans, pets, sentient LEGO men, and/or plants? And/or are you Kristine Laco? Write something for my pub, please. Teachers, caregivers of all stripes, and grandparents are welcome, too. ORIGIN STORY: This pub was…

These intense, little-kid fixations should probably qualify as unhealthy under the DSM — Does your young child have an odd infatuation with Gabby’s Dollhouse, Episode 3? Does she cry if you don’t drive past the tiny waterfall on the way to the Burger King drive-thru? It’s pretty fucking normal [external link]. And even if it’s not normal, don’t worry! Your strange child may…

It’s the perfect gift for parents and caregivers who are totally over it — My children’s book for adults is officially in print. Writers here on Medium might wonder — how in the bloody hell did I get such a sweary book [external link] published IRL? Well, thanks to TheBookPatch.com, nobody cares what salty words you sling. *I do NOT get an affiliate cut…

It was a loud-ass fairytale wedding — Our kids tried to cockblock our wedding. And it was a lady we’d known for less than two years who saved it. The year was 2006 and we were living near Seattle. Our friend and next-door neighbor, Lizzie, had introduced us to the local co-operative preschool and was something of…

Hanging Loose With Alan Hale Jr. Lookalikes on a Three-Hour Paraglide Tour — I told my cousin Jilly the story of the naked spa safari. Jilly laughed and invited Joe and me to her vacation home on Whore Island — a nude island off of St. Pete.* *And by “invited us to her beach home” I might just mean she mentioned that there…

On a Satisfying Death and the Acrid Stench of Hot Pilates — Joe and I flew to the Midwest this weekend with our youngest to go to my grandma’s funeral. Grandma Miller was almost 95 when she died. Damn. I wrote a mildly irreverent yet heartfelt eulogy for her but wisely did not volunteer to read it to the highly conservative funeral-goers. …

Kathleen M. Miller’s Finest Ingredients for a Beautiful Life — “When I grow old I hope to be As beautiful as Grandma Lee. Her hair is soft and fluffy white. Her eyes are blue and candle bright. And down her cheeks are cunning piles Of little ripples when she smiles.” -Rose Henderson What does it mean to be a beautiful…

“I wish I’d had five children with your father,” she says. “Maybe I would have stayed.” My stomach quickens with nausea to hear it. I’m her oldest child — her only daughter. For a long time and with the sidelong rays of an autumn afternoon I saw mostly the best…

Attention-wh*ring Rebrand A-go-go — I need your help. Sweary Mommy is evolving, and I *think* that’s a good thing. But I don’t want to alienate people. For one thing, I don’t want to piss off my kids or compromise their privacy. I’m semi-anonymizing my stories from now on, giving the kids fake names. Welcome…